My absence is ushering in the end times.

I apologize to my readers (rough estimates place the number at either 7,000 or 3) for not updating in so many years. I mean, I haven't done shit. Not even an old cartoon or an extreme closeup shot of a natty shoe or potted plant. But to be honest, I'd forgotten I had a blog. Ok, ok - seriously - I'm tired. Trying to get pregnant is really taking all the energy out of me. We have so many schedules to balance, and we're always watching the calendar, keeping track of my ovulation. I really envy those of you for whom it came about rather effortlessly and/or accidentally. Whoops! I guess we're quitting smoking sooner than we thought, etc. It has been such a struggle for us, but I know that in the end, when all those other unused, unfertilized eggs are discarded, the few fertilized ones we chose to implant in my womb will bring about the happiness in our lives that we've never had and keep divorce at bay. (Fingers crossed.)

So, keep your eyes on this site. Big things are coming! Until then, go back in time with me and take a look at the readers' comments from "Housewives are ushering in the end times" (January) to help out with a couple of questions I have:

What is our biological instinct? And why should it be governed (if it should be governed at all)? I do feel that there is very good reason for its regulation, but I also believe that instinct can be overburdened by unnecessary, harmful, and possibly unnatural demands, expectations, and even asphyxiations. (Huh, d.a.vid? As opposed to what? Natural asphyxiations?) And if instinct is to be regulated, by what? whom? Just whose hands are jiggling that lever about?

Now go out there and make me proud! And if you've got nothing of value to contribute to the discussion, at least write profanities in the comment section, bitch.