Inactivity is ushering in the end times.

My former kingdom.

Oh how I'm not doing anything.

Remember my last post (way back in '88)? About me leaving my toy soldier position? Well, once again I'm saying adieu to employment. Honestly, I don't want to make this a habit, but I can't deny when a job is ending. I could if I wanted to. I could try and pretend I didn't see the inevitable finality of it all and continue to iron my button-up shirt, carefully select a sweater vest, and arrive every morning at 8-ish to 787 7th Ave. However, such willful oblivion won't produce a paycheck. So I must turn to unemployment and address him directly:

Mr. Unemployment, I welcome you as a temporary guest. Make yourself at home because I know this will only be a brief stay since you must soon leave to pay a visit to Dennis Hastert. Mr. Unemployment, I thank you for enabling me to return home to see my family and to spend more time apartment hunting. But, Mr. Unemployment, remember you are a guest in my home, and you will respect my rules. Please take off your shoes at the door if they are muddy. Do not leave food crumbs on the dining table nor hookers in my bed. And under no circumstance will you touch my bank account. I have hot water on the stove. Feel free to make yourself some tea.

Now some of you may be asking yourself, "Baby girl, what job is d.a.vid leaving?" Well, I was the temporary administrative assistant at BNP Paribas's Asian Equities desk. A position I acquired through eavesdropping, thank you very much. It all started when.....

It was a magical June day, the kind which gives you faith in God. David was meeting his friend for a night of theatre at Lincoln Center. As he stood at the railing of the lobby's mezzanine, he overheard a voice which sounded like sweet cherry blossoms. A woman spoke with frustration to her friend about the disappointing performance of her current temp. David was curious and continued to lend an eager ear to this conversation. According to the woman, the temp came in late and never stayed past 5. Apparently he was a thorn-in-the-side to all her coworkers too.

When David's friend arrived, he told her of the situation and asked if he should introduce himself. His friend replied, "David, you are a sparkling star in this night sky. Recognize your abilities and offer yourself to her like the human sacrifice you are." With those encouraging words and both of their respective friends momentarily absent, David approached this woman and attempted to initiate oral stimulation on her if she would only allow him to interview for the job. The woman demurred, but David insisted that she at least consider him for the position because he was capable and as gregarious as a chipmunk. The woman, named Grace (How wonderfully true!), said, "What the hell," and the two exchanged information. They then returned to their own friends and entered into the glorious world of Theatre.

All this occurred as described (more or less) on a Thursday evening, and by Friday morning David had a new job which did not require him to dress like the eroticized fantasy of a uniform fetishist.

So for four months I endured the pressures and enjoyed the benefits of the world of finance. But my tenure has come to an end. I have trained my replacement and thrown my fortune to the wind (and to Craigslist).

And as I sit here, jobless, and wait for my current lease to expire at the end of August, I like to pretend that I don't need to be looking for an apartment. This allows me to relax and do things like update my blog, buy new sweater vests from Daffy's with my credit card, and watch the glorious horror film, The Descent, jumping like a nervous school girl about to make it with a boy for the first time.